Colbert’s Cojones

Stephen Colbert

How Do I Get the Video?

It’s really, really, really worth seeing if you haven’t already done so. You will cringe and you will laugh. Most of all, you will sit there with your hand to your mouth, whispering “Oh no he didn’t!”

• One place that has it (but calls it an excerpt, so it may not be the complete 20 minutes) is Google Video.
• CSPAN, which aired the dinner performance live on Saturday, has a link to a RealVideo version
• You can also get the 400MB file of the entire event using BitTorrent.
• There’s also an awesome tribute video—only a couple of minutes long— the Stephen Colbert Musical Extravaganza[1]
• If you’re really, really into watching Bush suffer, there’s Bush’s Facial Reactions (iFilm), which is probably culled from the ABC feed that just shows the president for the entire 20 minutes.

9 Reasons Stephen Colbert is funny

The Media FlocksMedia reaction has been mixed. Most have chosen to ignore[2] the keynote address entirely in favor of fawning all over the President, praising him for how humble and self-effacing he was in his doppelganger routine, which aired right before Colbert’s keynote. It is turning a blind eye as only the US media can—simply not reporting the event at all in order to relegate it to the land of “things that didn’t happen”. They can’t quite erase the event with the efficacy of Winston Smith and his memory hole, which should provide solace to those who see America careening towards instituting its own Ministry of Information.[3] The media that did acknowledge him took him to task for being so rude in front of the president; it seems that telling someone that you noticed that they wasted billions of dollars and hundreds of thousands of lives is considered rude. On top of that, they all claimed, “he just wasn’t very funny”.

I beg to differ. He was clever and incredibly funny. That is, if you aren’t a proponent of the “irony is dead” world view. What follows is a short list of jokes that prove that he is funny, compiled from the Colbert transcript (Daily Kos).

“By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.”

You know what? The right wing media is right. That’s not funny because George Bush spying on us is no laughing matter. Laughing, on the other hand, is a refreshing change from crying. The speech was really expertly written, in that it juxtaposed some elements, as I’ve extracted below:

“[M]y name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it’s my privilege to celebrate this president. We’re not so different, he and I. We get it. We’re not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We’re not members of the factinista. … I’m a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America.”

Lovely. Just lovely. Stephen used the switcheraroo several times that evening, leading the listener down a road that they liked traveling, getting them nodding and agreeing, then *BAM*, pulling off the blindfold and showing them the ugly place they ended up. The section above paraphrases—hell, practically quotes—the president, then describes this world view as that of a man with a “simple mind”.

“I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.”

Logical justification of success in Iraq by conservative standards. Just done in such an over-the-top way that no Republican is willing to publicly follow him.

“Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don’t pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in “reality.” And reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

It’s just beautiful how he managed to mention the 32% approval rating, but dismissed using obvious flim-flam rhetoric that the president and his spin-masters have used themselves. And then going just one logical step further to make it clearly ridiculous. It really was masterfully funny.

“Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty. There’s still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn’t drink it. The last third is usually backwash.”

The last sentence was uttered very quickly and, almost as an aside, calls the remaining dregs that support Bush “backwash”. It’s hard to know whether that was intentional, but it sure was funny. Unless you still support the president blindly, in which case, it’s probably a little insulting. That actually explains the lack of sense of humor on the part of much of the US media, which is still relatively firmly in the president’s camp.

“I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound – with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.”

Once again, the switcharoo, though you could see that one coming as a stinging critique from much farther away. Remember, Bush and his whole security cadre was just ten feet away. There seems to be hope for America after all—our violence and militaristic tendencies seem to still be strictly an export item.

“The greatest thing about this man is he’s steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man’s beliefs never will.”

Here Colbert shows his mastery of irony by simply repeating what the president himself has so often proudly claimed. How can that be rude? He’s so obviously enamored of the president’s worldview that he espouses it himself. Is it simply that when it is proclaimed with such idolatrous fervor that it sounds so idiotic?

“Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, “Oh, they’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.” First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!”

This is the most-cited joke from that evening and it was a really good one. It’s worth downloading the video just to see the faces in the audience as the camera panned around the room after that punchline. Contrary to some reports, Colbert took aim not just at the Bush administration, but also at the media in general, Fox News in particular (as with Bush, by expressing fervent support), the retired generals, justice Scalia and Jesse Jackson. Bush’s 2000 presidential primary opponent, John McCain, was not spared either:

“By the way, Senator McCain, it’s so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you’ve seen the light, sir.”

Here Colbert takes McCain to task—and quite rightly—for throwing in his lot with a Jerry Falwell, a famously intolerant religious zealot. Falwell’s got a lot of money, a lot of power and controls a lot of votes. Colbert’s shot at McCain—who is considering another presidential run in 2008—shows that his cutting critique of Bush isn’t personal. Colbert would nail any president doing as poor a job as this one.

Other Reactions

Whereas the right-wing media responded with its typical dismissive vitriol, the left-wing media responded with their typical uncritical, gushing praise of anything attacking Bush. Almost immediately, someone set up a blog, Thank You Stephen Colbert, where you can personally thank Stephen yourself. There are 52122 comments at last comment. It’s unlikely that any of those have been logged from whitehouse.gov. On the other hand, …President Not Amused? (Editor & Publisher) interviewed Colbert, who said he got one good review:

“Asked by E&P after it was over if he thought he’d been too harsh, Colbert said, “Not at all.” Was he trying to make a point politically or just get laughs? “Just for laughs,” he said. He said he did not pull any material for being too strong, just for time reasons. (He later said the president told him “good job” when he walked off.)”

Though many places have claimed the president “walked off in a snit”, the video shows that he did say at least one or two words to Colbert, touching his shoulder in a relatively friendly way, before leaving. He did seem to leave in a hurry, not hanging around to soak in the adulation he might have been expecting from previous years’ experiences.

Some reactions were more reasoned and a good deal more eloquent. One such example, American Nightmarez by Billmon (Whiskey Bar) contrasted a new film attacking Bush in the more superficial lefty way with Colbert’s skewering of all that’s wrong with America and the corrupt elite that runs it.

“It seemed obvious, at least to me, that [Colbert] didn’t just despise his audience, he hated it. While that hardly merits comment here in Left Blogostan, White House elites clearly aren’t used to having such contempt thrown in their faces at one of their most cherished self-congratulatory events.”

This dinner happens every year and is supposed to be a mildly self-deprecating evening of non-offensive humor. At least non-offensive to the heroes that run our country. Past years have seen Bush pretend to be looking for the missing WMDs in many places and this year featured, as mentioned above, Bush with a doppelganger, in which he acknowledged that he wasn’t the most well-prepared or mentally agile of public speakers. Whereas the president’s jokes about having hoodwinked us into invading Iraq or himself being dumber than a post are acceptable, Colbert’s jokes are not.

“Colbert used satire the way it’s used in more openly authoritarian societies: as a political weapon, a device for raising issues that can’t be addressed directly. He dragged out all the unmentionables – the Iraq lies, the secret prisons, the illegal spying, the neutered stupidity of the lapdog press – and made it pretty clear that he wasn’t really laughing at them, much less with them. It may have been comedy, but it also sounded like a bill of indictment, and everybody understood the charges.”

And finally, All Hail Stephen Colbert (Huffington Post) has the following spot-on review of that evening. The reason Colbert is so infuriating is because he doesn’t change the words he’s repeating at all. He just goes a little (ok, a lot) over the top with his delivery—with his conviction—and exposes it for the foolish claptrap that it is.

“Colbert, God love him, goes much further. His is a high-wire act that could go down in flames at any moment. For he doesn’t satirize our idiot government and gutless media, he becomes the biggest idiot of all. He’s the true believer, the guy totally on message, the loyalist who would give his all for the Commander-in-Chief.

“And he never breaks the character. Which is amazing. We’re rolling on the floor, wetting our pants, weeping with laughter, and he’s still hammering home views that make Hannity and O’Reilly sound like moderates.

“No wonder Bush left in a snit. He got shown up for what he is — by someone who pretends to love him.”