The All-Downside Architecture

If you’ve ever thought that PHP was too fast or used too little memory or that Java’s class encapsulation was too restricitive, boy has Quercus: PHP in Java got the solution for you. At last, PHP developers can enjoy the benefits of enterprise computing complete with abominable startup times, appalling refresh speeds and PermGen errors every 15 minutes. And Java developers can finally leave their half-assed web frameworks behind and get behind the ultra-organized global namespace with a little something for everyone that is the PHP API.

This is clearly an April Fools prank that got out of control and is being delivered unconscionably late. There is no such thing as an idea so bad that the Internet can’t bring enough people together to make it happen.