You Know You’ve Lived in New York Too Long
Published by marco on
- You get very annoyed with out-of-towners who think the subway is unsafe.
- You actively avoid bars that people from the outer boroughs frequent.
- You figure that a date costs at least $200.
- You have not seen a bank teller in several years, because your idea of going to the bank is using the ATM at your corner deli.
- You haven’t smelled grass clippings in over a year.
- You haven’t “called shotgun” in a long, long time.
- You think that New Jersey seems really far away.
- You plot the Barney’s Warehouse Sale on your calendar.
- You have over two month’s rent in credit card debt, but you still eat out every night.
- Your give out your cell phone number to people you meet, because that is the best way to reach you.
- You have stayed out later than 4 am on a Monday or a Tuesday night.
- Your passport gets more use than your driver’s license.
- You are ashamed to be assigned a 646 area code.
- You can’t imagine eating dinner before 8 o’clock at night.
- Not one of your adult friends is married, has a car, owns an apartment, or aspires to any of the above.
- You think nothing of a man in leather pants.
- Your childhood bedroom is bigger than your current apartment, but your rent costs more than your parents’ mortgage payment.
- At least one meal each week consists solely of drinks, olives, and nuts.
- You eat Thai, Vietnamese, Indian and sushi at least once each week.
- You tell everyone you love NY because of the cultural institutions, but can’t remember the last time you set foot in a museum or theater.
- You spend $10 to see a movie.
- You take $150 with you every night you go out: $20 for cabs, $20 for cover, $60 for dinner, and $50 for drinks.
- You have gone out on 3 dates with 3 different people in the same week, but haven’t spoken to any of them since.
- You wear Prada shoes, Gucci sunglasses, a Cartier watch, and cashmere, but claim to be poor.
- You think the only places you could ever live are New York, Paris, London, San Francisco or on an island in the Caribbean.