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You are a terrorist

Published by marco on

So I’m sitting there reading the morning paper the other day, flipping through the sports section. Suddenly, right after the page listing the lovely adult stars that are coming to a club near me, I see a half-page ad letting me know that if I use drugs, I’m funding terrorism. I quickly checked to make sure which drugs they’re talking about and, luckily, the pack of cigarettes and bottle of scotch I’d been steadily working my way through weren’t on the list.

What was on the list, you ask? I don’t know. I was lying about the list. I think they’re talking about heroin, but the CIA started that business in Afghanistan back in the late 80's and our latest allies, the Northern Alliance has recently stepped up production. Those sound like bad guys to me, but they’re obviously our allies, so doing heroin puts money into the U.S. pocket, so that’s supporting anti-terrorism, right?

The Washington Post published New Pitch in Anti-Drug Ads: Anti-Terrorism, which mentioned that the President’s Office of National Drug Control Policy paid $3.5 million for two commercials during the Super Bowl. Just when you thought things couldn’t possibly get more Orwellian.

<q>There is something very disturbing about the fact the federal government is spending almost $3.5 million to blame nonviolent Americans for funding terrorism when . . . people who need drug treatment can’t get it,“ said Matthew Briggs, an assistant director of the Drug Policy Alliance, which advocates changes in drug laws.</q>

The White House published President Announces Compassionate New Weapon…, advancing a new idea to prevent teens from inadvertently supporting terrorism:

<q> … these compassionate new facilities will contain and punish America’s #1 supporters of terrorism through drug use: impoverished, ghetto-dwelling black boys. Furthermore, I have asked the Congress for their swift and unquestioning approval of funds to erect hundreds of these exciting new penetentiaries in rural and overwhelmingly white communities from sea to shining sea, thereby creating thousands of prison guard jobs for America’s most ignorant and sadistic high school dropouts.</q>