Porsche Announces Recall

In an announcement that has simultaneously stunned the auto world and silenced vocal critics, Porsche AG issued a recall yesterday on all 911 models. The recall covers all model years from the 1982 Coupe and Targa to the present day Coupe, Targa, Cabriolet, Carrera, and GT2.

Citing numerous incidents of vigilantism that ended up destroying several vehicles in the New York City area and endangering consumer’s lives, Porsche has determined that the model name’s stigma now “…constitutes a real and present danger to our customers.” After considerable legal pressure equating the design flaw with any other mechanical failure, vehicle owners are being told to “cover the number with masking or electrical tape” until they can drive to a dealer, where the model will be changed, free of charge, to one of the following:

1. Remove the number, leaving only the model name (e.g. Targa, Carrera, etc.).
2. Replace the number with a number of a model of “equal or lesser value”.
3. Replace the number with a personal physical dimension of the owner’s choice.

Some owners are upset that their choice of luxury sports car is now a liability rather than the status symbol they thought they’d purchased. Calls to the Porsche Customer Center have skyrocketed. The added volume reportedly has Porsche considering plans to temporarily field agents that would perform “house calls”, replacing model numbers in the convenience of customer’s garages.

Although there are some concerns that the removal and replacement of model names will cause confusion among Porsche owners as to which car is most important and renders the most status, avid collectors are already seeking out the 911 models, hoping to become a part of history. Unsurprisingly, the replaced numbers have already shown up on EBay. Porsche has pledged to track down and prosecute these unscrupulous individuals.

Porsche AG (PSEPF) was down 10 ¾ on the announcement.