How Crazy is Ashcroft?

Well, let’s recap. Almost a year ago, it was reported that Ashcroft Holds Prayer Meetings at White House. These are Pentacostal prayer meetings, are not enforced on staff, and in no way blur the separation of church and state. Ahem.

More recently, John Ashcroft’s Perilous Nipples by Mark Morford of the SF Gate explains that Ashcroft is afraid of nudity:

“…order[ed] his very own Justice Department to spend $8,000 to purchase heavy blue drapes to cover the two large, noble, partially naked statues that have adorned the department’s Great Hall since the 1930s. … Because he doesn’t like to be photographed in front of them, is why. Because they’re partially naked. …”

For more information, go to Justice Department hangs drapes… for a more objective article.

Staff cry poetic injustice… on the Guardian Unlimited covers the song he released recently, called “Let the Eagles Soar”. Mark Morford of the SF Gate is less generous in Ashcroft Sings, Nation Cringes…, which most humorously talks about the new song and also generously provides a CNN link to the video (QuickTime). Steel yourself.

The Guardian article also mentions that:

“Each time he has been sworn in to political office, he is anointed with cooking oil (in the manner of King David, as he points out in his memoirs Lessons from a Father to His Son).”

Once again, that blurry boundary between church and state. How is such a man to keep his heavily religious beliefs from tainting his duties as Attorney General? Did you know he also believes cats are Satan? Actually, thus far, it is only alleged that aides of John Ashcroft claim that he “believes calico cats are signs of the devil.”

Lastly, Neighborhood Watch Program Shifts Focus on the Washington Post covers the Justice Department’s special emphasis on citizen watches:

“If a behavior or event seems to be outside the norm or is frightening, let law enforcement authorities know.”

This only makes sense, but exhorting people to do this is the kind of thing that delays subways for two hours because people are scared of turbans. Interestingly enough, it also explicitly asks to contact police about anyone “who claims membership in an organization that espouses killing innocent people”.

If you want to know how you can do more, Mr. Ashcroft has published the …Citizens’ Preparedness Guide (PDF). I was going to make a joke about this one, and was dying to find something I could quote that would make it look stupid, but it’s pretty vanilla content, mostly pretty informational and has a nice layout, color selection and font, to boot. So we end on a good note. No pun intended.