On maybe going to see Avatar 3

Avatar: Fire and AshI don’t trust the Critical Drinker (link below) that much, but his review for the second Avatar movie rings absolutely true, so I can imagine that there’s a good chance that it applies to this one as well. I can’t remember anything about Avatar 2. I can’t remember a single character’s name.

I would fail a quiz on the Avatar films with a 0/10. I’ve seen both Avatars. I might have seen the first one twice. I honestly can’t remember. My notes reveal that, even for the first one, which I saw in 2012 and should have been excited about, I wrote,

“[…] so many of the characters are two-dimensional […] The plot is pretty simplistic, the battle scenes are much too long (without adding suspense or additional pathos) but the graphics are stunning, even if some of the stuff is just too colorful and cutesy-looking for my taste.”

I saw the second one in 2023—which I only remembered was called “The Way of Water” just now—but I liked the second one more. I read a lot more into the second one, started that review with,

“James Cameron hates people and capitalism and plundering and piracy and globalism and hypernationalism and he probably hates the U.S. of A. more than a bit but, most of all, he hates colonialism. He fucking hates colonialism. He hates it so much that he’s made two giant blockbuster movies about it and he’s going to make three more just to drill the point home that there is nothing respectable about colonialism, that there is no justification for it, that it is always morally wrong, that it is always extractive, that it is about taking what you don’t think you have to pay for, about denigrating entire species and races and animals as fodder for your egocentric machine.”

Avatar 3 − Tired And Ass by The Critical Drinker (YouTube)

The Critical Drinker writes about the new Fire and Ice movie.

“Fire and [ice] is abusively long. Especially when you realize the plot could be easily condensed into like half that time. I’m not kidding. At least 50% of this movie is nothing but a wanky tech demo. Just endless landscape and wildlife shots that go on forever and accomplish absolutely nothing. A flamboyant $400 million screen-saver that adds nothing to the story or characters and bogs down what’s already a frustrating and repetitive narrative. I kid you not. Here, characters get captured and taken hostage and have to be rescued on like four different occasions.”

“Visually it looks fantastic and all that, but it does suffer from the same problem you always get with CGI. There’s basically no weight or impact to anything that happens because, you know, it was all just rendered on a computer. Also, the scenes with Spider do kind of make me laugh. One, because the actor’s so fucking wooden, you can make a log cabin out of him. And two, because he’s the only physically real thing on screen, it’s pretty obvious when everything else around him is fake. As for the other characters, they’re the usual one-note walking cliches you’d expect from these movies. Generic protagonist is still just a generic good guy trying to hold his family together and do the right thing. Evil fire lady is evil and likes fire because the movie needed another antagonist. I guess the kids are all a bunch of nothing-burgers to the point where I struggle to even remember who was who.”

“Here’s a fun little drinking game you can play at home, kids. Have a careful look at the human characters in Avatar. the brutal soldiers, the cruel whale hunters, the evil corporate types, all the people you’re supposed to hate, and take a shot every time you spot a non-white actor on screen, even in the backgrounds. I can pretty much guarantee you’ll be stone cold sober by the end of the movie. Why? Because there’s none to be found here. And it’s strange because normally you can’t move for the on-screen diversity in Disney movies, which are determined to reflect the world we live in today. I wonder why they dropped the ball so suddenly with this particular film. I wonder why they chose to have this violent, destructive, expansionist, capitalist, militaristic dictatorship represented almost entirely by one ethnic group. Well, I couldn’t possibly solve this mystery. Can you?”

I dunno. My review of the first one lined up with this one. My review of the second one doesn’t. Maybe I need to waste three hours of my life and see what’s up with the third one.