A “Whitest Kids You Know” sampler

I’ve been watching the skits that they’ve been releasing on YouTube. I include a couple of clips in my review below but there is so much more on the channel.

I had never heard of this troupe, which ran a skit show from 2007 to 2011, until they recently started publishing their entire oeuvre online. They started publishing their old skits with titles provocatively taken from the headlines of today. They would change a word or two and the entire four-minute skit would hold up as a report on events from today. Since then, they have published a ton of their skits and entire shows in the last month. They are brilliant, equal to Monty Python, I think, for their political incisiveness, for the quality of their production, the quality of the acting, and the quality of the writing. The Chapelle Show was in the same league, now that I think about it.

I’ve been keeping these notes for months. When I watched the videos originally, they were all available in Switzerland. They have now been blocked. I imagine that you can watch them with a VPN server based in the U.S.

1. Shine on you crazy Mormons
2. I’m digging ‘em up
3. Aren’t you Lucky?
4. HIPPO IN THE CITY
5. Pledge of Allegiance
6. Mom and Dad’s Divorce
7. Happy Birthday Rick!
8. John Williams
9. Happy St. Patrick’s Day from WKUK!
10. Little Hitler
11. Slow Motion 🐿️
12. Triumph of the Ill
13. Where DO Babies Come From?
14. Good Morning Dad
15. Race War
16. Hey, Dad
17. Ocean 2.0
18. Kid Beer

Shine on you crazy Mormons by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

Motorcycle mamas is a work of art. The way Timmy sways his head back and forth, totally committed to the role. This is absolutely one of the best skits. It’s completely unique. Genius.

Oh, wait, I take it back. “Timmy Dance” is a work of unheralded genius.

“I saw that kid with the divorced parents outside. I don’t want you hanging out with him.”

“🎵 I’m gonna live on a mountain of chairs. 🎵”

Timmy is a genius.

But then, Trevor as John Williams being a dick to his family while he composes his masterpiece for the Indiana Jones/Star Wars crossover film where Short Round marries an Ewok. “I call bathroom.” And no-one mentions that the tune that he came up with was actually “I could have danced all night.”

“Oh no, ants are taking me to Fashion Bug.”

Bikini day at the zoo.

I'm digging 'em up by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

• Waking the neighbors up song has great production values and excellent execution
• Trevor pitching movie ideas is him at his absolute best. Zach is also great in this one with his unbridled enthusiasm.
• Brothers in Arms is perfect. “We have to be even.” “We’re taking your pants off.”
• Teacher tries skateboarding
• Pulled over by a fire truck
• Fight club
• Midwestern dads discuss corporal punishment
• Police raid
• Teachers’ meeting

OK. One more.

Aren't you Lucky? by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

“Aren’t you lucky to be born into the only place that always gets it right?

“Aren’t you lucky to be born into the place where everyone is smart and
nice?

“Well, aren’t you lucky to be born to the only one whose God is even really
real?

“Being born over there must really suck. Can you imagine how they feel?”

Ok. Fine. One more.

HIPPO IN THE CITY by Whitest Kids U' Know (YouTube)

The comments indicate that the original plan was to play twenty of silence on the dead hippo. They had to add the trumpet because the station was worried that people would think that their televisions had broken. So they then wanted to play twenty minutes of Timmy playing the trumpet, which, even at the reduced length they had to settle on, is still high comedy. Just genius. Art. I can’t tell you why I like it so much because … it’s art.

I can’t stop adding these.

Pledge of Allegiance by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.

“Thank you very, very much for letting us little kids live here.

“It really, really was nice of you. You didn’t have to do it.

“And it’s really not creepy to have little little kids mindlessly recite this anthem every day and pledge their life to a government before they’re old enough to really think about what they’re saying.

“This is not a form of brainwashing.
This is not a form of brainwashing.
This is not a form of brainwashing.

“This is really the greatest country in the whole world. All the other countries suck.

“And if this country ever goes to war, as it’s often wont to do, I promise to help go and kill all the other countries kids.

“God bless Johnson and Johnson.
God bless GE.
God bless Citigroup.”

I can’t remember when I stopped pledging allegiance to the flag but I’m pretty sure it was in the seventh grade. My refusal to stand and participate was, at the time, received with a little resistance but no punishment.

Mom and Dad's Divorce by WKUK: Whitest Kids You Know (YouTube)

“Hey, you guys want to hear a song I wrote about my parents?

“No.

“🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
Well, my mom hates my dad
and my dad hates my mom
and my mom hates my dad
and my dad hates my mom.

“But I hope they get together again someday.
But I don’t think they will
because my mom shot my dad’s car.
🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶”

Happy Birthday Rick! by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

This one has not only the segment above but also the famous tattoo-parlor segment with Trevor as a drunken customer describing an increasingly elaborate tattoo. He really was a genius.

John Williams by WKUK (YouTube)

His son’s name is “Sherwin”.

“Did you hear that the Zimmers got new siding on their house?”

Happy St. Patrick's Day from WKUK! by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

“And now, the drunken antics of Clarence McKenah, accompanied by sad piano music.”

Little Hitler by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

This is the story of Adolf Hitler, as told by an anti-drugs PSA that tries to convince the children that drugs alone where the reason that Hitler went from being a little boy who saved little girls’ dogs to being the man who would plan and execute the Holocaust.

Slow Motion 🐿️ by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

“And now, footage of three guys smoking pot in a car when a squirrel jumps through the sunroof.”

The music is Rossini’s La gazza ladra (Wikipedia) (“The thieving magpie”).

Triumph of the Ill by WKUK: Whitest Kids U' Know (YouTube)

This was the very first skit of the very first show, when they hadn’t yet been picked up for TV.

“Now the SS on my jacket stands for super-smooth.”

Where DO Babies Come From? by WKUK: Whitest Kids U' Know (YouTube)

“That’s OK. I’m really not supposed to be hanging out with little kids anyway.”

Good Morning Dad by WKUK: Whitest Kids U' Know (YouTube)

This is one of the darkest videos they have. Brilliant.

Race War by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

This one is just 90 seconds and features Trevor trying to get his friend to come outside and play “race war”.

Hey, Dad by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

Ocean 2.0 by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

“[Trevor] Mother nature has seen worse than this in the past. And the old girl always manages to pull through. And the old girl always manages to pull through. Frankly, I’m excited to see how she’s going to adapt this time. Maybe all the currents will change, taking all the oil to Antarctica. Or maybe fascinating new marine life will evolve, like fish that can breathe oil, or a bird that likes being sticky. It’s how we at Unified Petroleum are helping to reimagine the world’s oceans.

“[Timmy] As a scientist, I’m an expert on things at the molecular level. I’ve been closely monitoring the changes that this new addition to our ocean has brought about. And what’s most amazing about this recent opportunity is that for the first time in millions of years, the oceans have gained an attribute. The ocean has always been wet and it has always been salty. But you couldn’t always set it on fire. Now you can. Now we can.

“Look, Mom, a rainbow on the water. That’s great, honey. Plus, Unified Petroleum donates a dollar from every million it makes towards putting more computers in classrooms across the country. As a mother, I like that.

“[Trevor] You know, they say that oil and water don’t mix, but damn it if we’re not trying.

“Unified Petroleum, we have nowhere to go but up.”

Kid Beer by WKUK: Whitest Kids U’ Know (YouTube)

Trevor taps an untapped market.