Seanbaby Found!
Published by marco on
Seanbaby’s been on vacation/hiatus or in hiding almost as long as Osama, but I found him. He’s not updating his own site anymore because he’s writing for The Wave, “The Bay Area’s Best Entertainment Mag…Ever”. In fact, I just found his latest article, Video Review: Turkish Star Trek, in which he notes:
“The teleportation effects are, like all Turkish special effects, a strange combination of retarded and rad. The four men stand as still as possible while the camera goes out of focus. Ten seconds later, the film gets scratched in their general area and they run out of frame while the guy holding the camera hits pause and unpause.”
If you check out the Current Issue page, you’ll get a list of back issues and archives, where you can search out that Seanbaby goodness you’ve probably been desperately missing for almost a year now. In this issue alone, there’s Frivolous Lawsuits 8: When Children Sue, where he takes off on a favorite topic, stupid lawsuits. Since this is installment 8, you can be you’ll find 7 more in the archives.
I did happen to find installment 7, Frivolous Lawsuits 7: Sue Harder With a Vengeange, which has a few really nice lawsuits. One is James Brown’s daughter’s suing him for having helped him create his music (at ages 3 and 6):
“… First, this is James goddamn Brown. This is not like Right Said Fred asking his kid to list a few other things that he might be too sexy for; this is the Godfather of Soul. If these two girls were able to give the Godfather of Soul musical advice when they were THREE and SIX, then by this point, shouldn’t our entire society be based around their music? … There’s a certain relationship between family members making it inappropriate to sue them. For example, when you use your high school diploma to get a job, your mom doesn?t get half your paycheck for buying your cafeteria lunches.”
The other good one is about the kids suing McDonalds for having made them fat and unhealthy:
“They are seeking an undisclosed amount of money, but rest assured that the penalty for tantalizing a white trash fat kid with pictures of little cheeseburger monsters is probably many, many million dollars. … If you’re easily hypnotized into eating junk food by clowns and hamburglars, stick a party hat on a salad and trick yourself into not being a damn pig.”
Now that’s good legal advice.
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#1 − Beautiful
marco –
Just looking through more back issues of the Wave and I found Keeping the Skies Stupid, an article about post 9-11 airline security:
“On September 11th, the terrorists took over the plane with box cutters. This is never going to work again. The next person who tries to take 200 hostages with anything less than a bazooka is going to end up stuffed in an airplane toilet with the American spirit’s boot buried in his ass. Airports are openly mocking us when they take away our combs, nail files or boomerangs. Here’s a good way to test the deadliness of an item: Imagine you’re holding it and a gorilla bursts into the room. Now decide whether to hold on to it or fight with your bare hands. If you have to think about it, it’s not deadly. Instead of taking away toiletries from innocent travelers, we ought to take every citizen in groups of 200 into gymnasiums. Then, while they’re trying to figure out what’s going on, we have a guy come in and try to take them all hostage with a fork. If they let him, those 200 people are no longer allowed to fly on planes.”