As some of you may have noticed, earthli News articles have become more sporadic and rarer over the last several weeks. This crisis arises not from any personal problems or lack of interest, but rather from a quite real dearth of news about which to complain. The current events section has long thrived on the antics of a hapless administration led by a chimpanzee-like buffoon who consistently opted for the crass, wrong solution that gave new meaning to the term "short-sighted". In light of recent events, earthli News can now only justifiably conclude that he's chimpanzee-like. That's right, you heard correctly. We here at earthli News are biting the bullet and freely admitting that Bush and his merry cohorts are coming up smelling like roses everywhere. The Iraq war is truly an atom-bomb of freedom, spreading its joy and love over the other lands in the Middle East in a firestorm of peace, inspiring paroxysms of America-loving in lands both near and far. Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Israel, Egypt, they're all turning around, seeing it America's way, abandoning their previous foolhardy ways, growing up and moving on to be productive members of world society. Even Russia is a close ally now. I mean, c'mon people, Russia! With the endless snarls of problems in the Middle East finally solved, Bush has turned his golden touch to matters at home, healing the national debt, fixing bankruptcy, lowering taxes and improving the economy in several efficient surgical strikes at outdated legislation. For example, the national debt is no longer a problem because he <i>simply lifted the debt ceiling</i>. Now why couldn't a Rhodes scholar like Clinton think of something so simple? Because smart folks always want to make us look dumb by explaining simple things in terms we don't understand. Just to shut us out of the discussion. Well, Bush doesn't buy that. He took charge and fixed America's financial ills with a few magical snaps of his fingers. And unlike the worst predictions of the naysayers, it seems everyone is profiting from it. It's hard to see how such dogged determination won't be able to fix the hopeless boondoggle of Social Security, which is no good to anyone. Sure, they've had a few setbacks, like when he tried to fix poor Terry Schiavo, but, again, that was those activist judges (who seem to pop up just about everyhwhere) who kept him from getting that job done right. His boundless faith in America really <i>does</i> seem to be able to bend reality to his whims. So you can expect more radio silence from earthli News until the Bush administration starts screwing up again. Until then, we'll just sit back and bask in the same glow at least half of America has already been enjoying: relaxing, sipping the kool-aid and trusting to the masterful, strong hand on the helm as it wisely guides us all to a better way of life.