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Title

Gadgets with a Mind of their Own

Description

Say you're hiking. In the cold, in the snow, but moving right along, moving quickly enough to partially fog your sunglasses. Yet still, despite your ferocious pace and partially obscured view, you spot a lovely photo opportunity. Decelerating, you unhook the loop of a hiking pole from your left hand, then clamp said pole under your right arm while you dig around in your left pocket for your cell phone camera. By now, you're stopped and trying desperately not to drag anything else out of your pocket---like receipts or tissues---and drop them on the ground. Because of the cold, you've got rather big gloves on that make the whole affair of plucking a camera from a zippered pocket all the more challenging. Sure, the glove could come off, but then you'd be faced with a cold hand and the subsequent challenge of donning a glove with an exertion-dampened inner liner that was turned partially inside-out during removal and which resists all straightening attempts with pressure of near finger-breaking insensity. So, the glove stays on. The glove's on, fingers are jammed as far forward as possible, but there's still a fair amount of slack material with which to deal, but the camera's out, its lens cover has been slid back and no littering has occurred in the process. It grudgingly---and almost sleepily---shows a reasonable facsimile of the beautiful photo-op on an older LCD with an already less-than-stellar refresh speed that has been significantly impacted by the cold. The walk thus far, as mentioned above, has not been without effort and even your arm muscles are feeling the burn and threatening to quiver with any extra exertion. Blurred sunglasses pushed down your nose, camera held out in front of you, framing the glory of nature in the puny LCD, you press as firmly as you can while holding the camera in one hand (poles still being steadied by the other) and with your afore-mentioned floppy glove tip adding a bit of uncertainty to the affair. Against all odds, you've actually exerted pressure on the trigger and are rewarded with a small target in the middle of the LCD indicating the area of focus. Further pressure---mounting now to what seems to be an inordinate amount of such for taking a picture---will snap the picture and you can be on your way. Your hand is trembling somewhat, but there is plenty of light and the picture should stay in focus. At which point, you are rewarded for what have become nearly Herculean exertions with a flash of green in the target decal on the display and a beep. A beep. The gadget has refused to take the picture and has instead offered you its opinion on your composition. And it has come to the conclusion that the shot, as you have composed it, is not worth taking. And it has, duly and consequently, not taken it. Complete waste of its time, apparently. You are at the end of your efforts, having pressed as hard as it is possible to press on the camera's trigger without crushing the device---which, at this point, it wholly deserves. It has an opinion. How cute. Now, take the picture or be abandoned in the snow. As it turns out, it only expresses its opinion once, then takes the picture on the next attempt. Imagine if, instead of snapping a picture of inanimate objects, you had a once-in-a-lifetime shot at a picture of <i>Bigfoot</i>. It's truly a shame that your camera was less than impressed with the light levels and made you ask again, nicely, if you could pretty-please take a picture. Perhaps this is why there has never been adequate photographic proof of Bigfoot. It is understandable that the device should notify you that you are about to take a picture that it has deemed has long odds of being anything worth viewing. A dull beep as the picture was taken would suffice with perhaps a message and an instant offer to delete. But defying a direct order from its commanding officer is not an option for a gadget. It has no mind and no soul and should have no opinion. This is not a democracy, Mr. Camera Phone, this is a dictatorship. The next time you forget that, no one will find you until the Spring.