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EVSC 2013 Semifinals


It's Euro-Vision Song Contest time again. Semifinals part II tonight. Don't judge me. It's like a traffic accident; you can't look away. There were a lot of contestants, but here are the ones I found noteworthy. <ul> <b>Finland:</b> What the hell Finland? A few years ago you win with Death/Gore-Metal band Lordi and now you descend into the depths of bubble-gum pop with Krista (who was <i>literally</i> wearing bubble-gum--colored boots)? How did that number even get off the ground? It was, however, one of the classic Euro-Vision styles: wanna-be Madonna/Material-Girl--style. <b>Macedonia:</b> They covered the <i>other</i> classic Euro-Vision style: they sang in their native tongue and included decidely non-standard pop-cast members, like a gigantic operatic singer doing call-and-response with the Macedonian Julio Iglesias. <b>Bulgaria:</b> I had no idea that Bulgarians had also invented a bagpipe. Dude was creeping around the stage with it like Angus Young. They were decent, overall. <b>Iceland:</b> Way to bring down the mood, Iceland. A crooner with Thor-like locks wailing on in Icelandic. Utterly uninspiring. <b>Switzerland:</b> I can't even poke fun at my Finnish and Icelandic colleagues because the Swiss managed to deliver yet another train wreck in the form of a multi-piece Salvation Army band. Couldn't wait for that to be over. They might as well have sent a Guggämusigg Band from Lozärn which would have been much more entertaining, if not less embarrassing. <b>Azerbaijan:</b> They sent a cross between Tom Cruise and Enrique Iglesias to smolder his way through his song while his buddy tried to get out of a transparent, plastic box behind him. Not as horrible as many of the others. <b>Latvia:</b> The Swiss can thank God for Latvia who, with their spangled suits and utterly jarring energy-rock, started off the evening so badly that all of the other bands could relax and stop worrying about ending up dead last. <b>Malta:</b> A decent, upbeat song, but the singer was way too weak to carry it. Might not sound bad if somebody with some lungs or a voice with character were to sing it. <b>Israel:</b> Do you have friends who can be honest with you? A neckline that plunges to your waist plus vertical stripes stretched uncompromisingly in the horizontal? And the 80s called: they want those glasses and all of your hairstyles back. The whole picture was so distracting, I hardly had time to hate the song. <b>Norway:</b> A repeat of Finland, if a lot more subdued. Generic uninspired pop from Scandinavia hoping for some swarthy votes from the south who still can't believe there are people with blond hair. A transparent ploy. <b>Romania:</b> Conceptually the highlight of the evening: a male singer dressed in a black necromancer's robe, his gigantic self astride the puny, red-lit mountains of Hell. He growled out his first lines and then this Romanian King Diamond launched into an operatic soprano sequence while red-painted/suited, half-naked devils cavorted and performed feats of strength in front of him. His voice proved to not be up to the task, but the piece was nonetheless kinda riveting. </ul> There were a couple of others, but I either missed them or I can't remember enough about the acts to snark about them.