A major network is planning the show “Survivor 2” this winter. In response, Texas is planning “Survivor, Texas Style”.

The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, down to Houston and Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, up to Lubbock and Amarillo.

From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo, with a bumper sticker that reads:

“I’m gay, I... [More]

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2000/6/exorbitant.html

http://bbspot.com/News/2000/8/hour_lost.html

Bill Clinton’s still making the news because he had the nerve to pardon one of the few international  crooks and swindlers who was not a Republican.

- Michael Feldman (public radio’s “Whad’Ya Know?”)

In Thailand, a building has been named Clinton Plaza after ex-President Clinton. It contains six stories of discos, go-go bars and strip clubs. Apparently, Clinton is furious because they stole the idea for his presidential library.

- Conan O’Brien (“Late Night with Conan O’Brien”)

http://www.shugashack.com/screens.x/iotd/19/thumbs/rigorous_fellatio.jpg

…if you go check them out at: http://www.afionline.org/100laughs/list.asp?gid=606106200012881341, you’ll see that they did a somewhat piss-poor job of choosing movies.

Well, the folks at Old Man Murray and SeanBaby have teamed up to make their own list of top 100 movies and review them in side by side comparisons with the AFI list…

…if you’ve got about 3 days to kill, check it out. :-)

http://www.seanbaby.com/ifls/index.html

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/archive/120100/cover_120100.html

Japan sent us 50,000,000 cases of Viagra.

They heard our whole country can’t get an election.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3643/commuters_favor_public.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3640/bush_or_gore.html

Presidential Debate Transcript

Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules:

I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters. The opponent will then have one minute to respond by trying to frighten senior citizens into voting for him. When a speaker’s time has expired, I will whimper softly while he... [More]

http://www.theonion.com/onion3637/bush_horrified.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3635/wdyt_3635.html

I particularly liked the last one.

Predictably, the Onion headline this morning:

Bush Vows To Do ‘That Thing Gore Just Said, Only Better’

BOSTON— Responding to debate opponent Al Gore’s promise to pay off the national debt in 12 years by devoting $2 of projected surpluses toward debt reduction for every $1 used for tax cuts, George W. Bush vowed to do “that thing Gore just said, only better” during Tuesday’s presidential debate. “Yeah, that debt thing,” the Republican candidate said during his allotted 90-second rebuttal.... [More]

I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle.
 
While in the lounge, I notice Bill Gates sitting on the chesterfield enjoying a cognac.I was meeting with a very important client who was also flying to Seattle with me but she was running a bit late.
 
Being a forward type of guy, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself.I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business and how much I would appreciate it if he could throw a quick “hello Chris” at me when I was... [More]

I was very skeptical about this site at first, but it’s pretty funny.

http://www.mulletsgalore.com/

Three contractors were touring the white house on the same day. One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors the guard said “Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys look at it and give me a bid.”
So to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor.

He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some... [More]

Slightly Upset Woman

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says,

“Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”

The drunk looks back and says, “Yes sir, I am.”

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up.

“Have you found Jesus?” the Minister asked.

“No, I didn’t!” said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for... [More]

http://www.theonion.com/onion3616/american_people.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3612/us_population.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3608/wdyt_3608.html

(I like Jenkowitz)

FBI To Require Background Checks For Child-Care Providers.

Girlfriend has never seen Apocalypse Now.