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23 years Ago

Patchsoft

Published by marco on

SatireWire announced that a Surprise Settlement Evenly Splits Microsoft… into two pieces, but not separated into ‘operating systems’ and ‘applications’, as previously proposed, but into ‘software’ and ‘patches’.

<q>Critics immediately charged that the settlement — which overrides a previous agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice — does nothing to diminish Microsoft’s standing as the world’s most powerful software company. But industry analysts argued that providing patches for... [More]

Get Your War On (Cont.)

Published by marco on

MNFTIU is back with 4 more pages of getting your war on. The link is to page 3, but pages 4-6 are available at the top of the page. On page 4, you’ll find such gems as:

<q>Man! I like a good stiff Operation Enduring Freedom as much as the next guy, but I’ve reached my limits of understanding! All of a sudden my fucking mailman is a Hero on the Front Lines in the War Against Terror? My daughter wants to sell cookies to help the people my nephew’s been sent to fucking bomb? I’m supposed to help... [More]

Snowball fight

Published by marco on

No, this isn’t that lame ASCII snowball you’d wish people would stop sending you in your email. You know, the same people that call you up to apologize for sending you yet another email virus. This is a cool snowball fight game in Flash.

I haven’t gotten past level 3, but my version cheats, I think.

 

Beware the manger

Published by marco on

The White House issued another alert today: Terrorists Lurking in Life-sized Manger Tableaus!. The problem lies with the large manger scenes commonly put on by churches in small towns in the U.S.

<q>As you will note, nearly every such nativity display has folks that look just like that terrorist we’re after, that evil un-Christian bin Laden fellow. And if we see somebody who looks like a terrorist, we’re taking the fucker down.</q>

The problem is real and seems to be suppressed in major... [More]

Segway into the future

Published by marco on

The Segway motored into America’s heart this week. It’s a people-mover that runs on electricity. Ars Technica has a good summary in IT revealed (IT was a former code name for the device).

Everything Isn’t Under Control published a pretty funny “Diary of the First Segway Owner”. It’s the post from 12:17AM on December 4, 2001 (about 2/3 of the way down the page).

Boonga-Ga Boon-Ga and Bazoombas

Published by marco on

The Register writes that initial reports of a bizarre Japanese video game are most likely not a hoax. The game is called Boon-Ga Boon-Ga. From the product brochure:

<q>Select from 8 characters to spank. When you spank the character that you chose, the cards will be shuffled. After detecting your power with a sensor, a card will come out. It will explain your sexual behavior.</q>

It has to be seen to be believed.

If you want to know what ‘Boon-Ga Boon-Ga’ means, you’d best ask a construction... [More]

Anti-shopping

Published by marco on

How was ‘Black Friday’ for you? Mark Morford takes an amusing look at shopping in Red, White And Banana Republic.

<q>Tis apparently the season that right about this time a decidedly bitter and lugubrious media offers up the murky declaration that Thanksgiving weekend retail sales were not quite the all-out mind-blowing ass-spanking high-fiving wallet- draining Visa-maxing orgiastic bonanza retailers had hoped and man oh man aren’t you the guilty one, oh heartless unspending consumer.</q>
... [More]

Visions of a cloned future

Published by marco on

With cloning in the news lately, SatireWire warns about an ominous future in Human Embryo Cloned: Can “Chain” Stores, “Subdivisions,” be far behind?

<q>… a world populated by clones would be totally unrecognizable to us — a macabre, doppleganger environment in which the like-minded inhabitants shop at cookie-cutter “chain” stores, apishly watch television shows patterned after the same theme, and even run their computers with the same operating system.</q>

Mark Morford envisions the same... [More]

Flash Toys

Published by marco on

Have you ever played with one of those soundboards? The kind that lets you hit a bunch of buttons and start to mix sounds together, all layered on top of each other? Well, here’s a special one that uses only Samuel L. Jackson movie quotes. I find it quite cathartic.

The other toy is an animation of a skeleton that lets you control the animation yourself. Not really useful, but it’s an amazing bit of work in Flash.

Collect them all

Published by marco on

Here’s some new products (12) that are both excellent Christmas presents and a sound investment. Are they real? Are they fake? You figure it out.

God’s mixed-up priorities

Published by marco on

SatireWire published So Now God Takes an Interest In Answering New York’s Prayers? about the apparent uneven attention paid to the doling out of miracles in the NY area.

The Talibabanana Song

Published by marco on

A few weeks ago, BBSpot wrote the Talibanana song. At the bottom of the page, he noted that he would welcome anyone offering to put it to music. In the inimitable style of the Internet, someone at MadBlast.com has done just that in a really nice Flash movie.

Write reviews for Amazon

Published by marco on

If you’re ever bored, just head on over to Amazon.com and write up some reviews of books. These folks did. You don’t even have to read the book. You don’t even have to describe what’s actually in the book. Anything goes.

The book being reviewed (though perhaps, lampooned is a better word. Reviled is an even better one.) is I had a Frightmare! by Bil Keane, writer of the insipid Family Circus comic strip. Scroll down to the Customer Reviews and enjoy.

SeanBaby and OMM are back

Published by marco on

Seanbaby returns from more than a month off with a 3-page discussion of homosexuality (and a little bit of Kevin Smith) and, as usual, ends up taking some potshots at everybody. Again, as usual, there’s some really good stuff here.

<q>People who cry about stereotypes are usually upset because they fall into them. We don’t have time to get to know every single person we see. We have to stereotype people in certain ways to know which one of them wants to kill us for our wallet, which ones can’t... [More]

The Golf Game

Published by marco on

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says, “How’s the singing career going?”

Stevie Wonder replies, ”Not too bad. How’s the golf?”

Woods replies, “Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I think I’ve got that right now.”

Stevie says, “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.”

Tiger says, “You play golf?”

Wonder says, “Oh,... [More]

Hainan Island (Bush Daily Journal)

Published by marco on

This is George Bush’s daily journal as recorded by SatireWire. The note for April 9, 2001 is really nice:

http://www.satirewire.com/weblog/bushblog.shtml

Another Presidential Joke

Published by marco on

George Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the
President had a solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. “Just think,” he said,“ when I am President, I’ll get to have a gold urinal!”

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told  Hillary how impressed... [More]

Survivor − Texas Style

Published by marco on

A major network is planning the show “Survivor 2” this winter. In response, Texas is planning “Survivor, Texas Style”.

The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, down to Houston and Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, up to Lubbock and Amarillo.

From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo, with a bumper sticker that reads:

“I’m gay, I... [More]

One Big SUV

Published by marco on

Clinton’s graceful exit

Published by marco on

Bill Clinton’s still making the news because he had the nerve to pardon one of the few international  crooks and swindlers who was not a Republican.

- Michael Feldman (public radio’s “Whad’Ya Know?”)

In Thailand, a building has been named Clinton Plaza after ex-President Clinton. It contains six stories of discos, go-go bars and strip clubs. Apparently, Clinton is furious because they stole the idea for his presidential library.

- Conan O’Brien (“Late Night with Conan O’Brien”)

24 years Ago

AFI Top 100 Comedies…

Published by marco on

…if you go check them out at: http://www.afionline.org/100laughs/list.asp?gid=606106200012881341, you’ll see that they did a somewhat piss-poor job of choosing movies.

Well, the folks at Old Man Murray and SeanBaby have teamed up to make their own list of top 100 movies and review them in side by side comparisons with the AFI list…

…if you’ve got about 3 days to kill, check it out. :-)

http://www.seanbaby.com/ifls/index.html

Help From Japan

Published by marco on

Japan sent us 50,000,000 cases of Viagra.

They heard our whole country can’t get an election.

The REAL Presidential Debate

Published by marco on

Presidential Debate Transcript

Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules:

I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters. The opponent will then have one minute to respond by trying to frighten senior citizens into voting for him. When a speaker’s time has expired, I will whimper softly while he... [More]

Onion on RU-486

Published by marco on

http://www.theonion.com/onion3635/wdyt_3635.html

I particularly liked the last one.